About Me
Whether we’ve met and talked in person or not, if you think you might need some help to find the relationship you’ve always dreamed of, it’s perfectly understandable for you to want to get to know a little bit more about me ….. Alan Watts – The Love Engineer.
I thought it best to give you a brief potted history, including where I come from, how that interesting term of reference ‘The Love Engineer’ came about (at least, I hope it’s interesting), what Love Engineering is and why I may well be the perfect fit to help you find that relationship you’ve always dreamed of ….. because I can assure you, it’s out there waiting for you, right now.
Where it all started
Living amongst livestock, watching life at its best and waking up to the dew or frost on the ground in the mornings all contributed to making me feel connected to nature. The whole experience of growing up on a farm taught me something very important about gratification ….. and, especially, about delayed gratification …..
“If you want something really good, you have to take small actions every day and be patient until the time is right to reap the fruits of your labour.”
Alan Watts
Eventually, I ventured away from the farm life, took on an apprenticeship in Truck Engineering and, once qualified, found myself a job as a Truck Engineer.
I love rock music and playing my guitar ….. but even if you don’t like rock and guitars, I’m pretty sure we can still get on well 🙂
I do have a bit of a love hate relationship with the gym but I am comfortable with my ‘dad bod’ and I love scuba diving and travelling too.
How The Love Engineer Came About
After many years working as a Truck Engineer, getting married, becoming a parent, going through the breakdown of my marriage, getting divorced and then wanting to be the very best dad/parent I could be to my children, I came to the conclusion that having some coaching skills could be really useful in helping me achieve that. So, I did some research, trained and then qualified as a coach and started to practise and develop my coaching skills.
Of course, practising my coaching skills with my children was my number one priority and, as I practised, I found those skills started to naturally spill over into other ‘people situations’ and began to permeate every area of my life. As a result, I found myself using those skills in all kinds of situations, including within an online group that was all about personal development for single people.
I lost count of how many members of that group told me that I ought to be a relationship coach. Something I’d never considered until people kept mentioning it.
Keen to continue developing my skills, I found myself on a retreat. In the opening session, the facilitator was asking everyone what they did and when he got to me, I told him I was a Truck Engineer who did relationship coaching. He looked very thoughtful for a few moments, looked at me and said, ” ahhh you’ve gone from Truck Engineering to Love Engineering”. As I absorbed his words, I had this tangible, emotional reaction – what I can only describe as a Eureka moment – and The Love Engineer was born.
Alan Watts
What is Love Engineering?
There are basically two types of engineer. The first type is someone you’d go to if you’d comeup with a design for something but had no idea how to make it or how to make it work. This type of engineer uses his knowledge and understanding to make things ‘work’. You can find a great many examples of this type of engineer, in architecture. You see, architects at the leading edge, have a tendency to design things that can’t be done using existing building technology. They hand their design to engineers who then go to work on creating new technologies that will enable the design to become a reality.
The second type of engineer is someone you go to when you’re existing piece of technology isn’t working and, especially, if the cause of the issue is being incredibly elusive. This kind of engineer uses his knowledge and understanding to solve, what can be, seriously complex problems. There are many examples of this kind of engineer but one that immediately springs to mind are electronics and computer engineers. Digital technology can be fraught with complex challenges.
Patterns are crucial in all human behaviour
It may seem bizarre to some people but even though relationships are rooted in emotions and can seem to be completely illogical, as I learned more and more about coaching and how the mind works, I discovered how crucial patterns are in all human behaviour. Every emotion we experience is triggered by a pattern of some kind and when people get stuck, it’s because a specific pattern has become so ingrained that it’s difficult to shift. Interestingly, these patterns are actually, completely logical in the processes they create and that’s where the parallel to engineering comes in.
How I work with my clients rose up out of the mess of my own relationships and connection to love, along with a burning desire to really get why I did what I did and what was behind my disappointing love life! Back to that shortly – but my engineering background really helped me understand what was going on in my head, understand the patterns and processes involved and get to grips with transforming my life.
And …..
Alan Watts
What My Logo Represents
The Red Triangle
The triangle itself represents the three aspects of what makes us who we are; our mind, our body and our soul. To be at our best, we need to take care of all three.
The Green Heart
The heart’s green because that’s the colour of the heart chakra and, as you might imagine, it represents love and heart centered relationships.
The energy of love is the highest level of vibration and is the most powerful of all energies. It creates an amazing feeling within us, which is why we all want more of it in our lives.
The Yin/Yang Symbol
At the centre of everything is the yin/yang symbol, representing duality in all things. The black’s yin, the white’s yang and they represent the idea that two opposite characteristics can exist in harmony and complement one another.
For example, female and male, dark and light, negative and positive, north and south, cold and hot, old and young, soft and hard and so on. It’s all about these opposite energies being in balance with one another.
When we take care of our mind, body and soul, when we live our lives from the perspective of love and when we keep these opposite energies well-balanced, we thrive in all aspects of our life and, especially, in our relationships.
But if you’re here, struggling to attract the most important relationship of your life, something’s going wrong, somewhere ….. perhaps many something’s ….. which is where I can help.
Alan Watts
Why I May Be the Perfect Fit for You
To explain more fully, after my marriage breakdown, going through the divorce and then the breakdown of the very first relationship I had after my divorce, I hit rock bottom. I remember being on my knees, bawling my eyes out on the floor, in what was my family home ….. a home I could no longer afford to live in, a home I couldn’t afford to sell ….. or even rent out. I felt completely broken and a total failure. I had a full time business with a part time income and the end of that relationship hurt more than my divorce.
I had so many questions buzzing through my head but the loudest of them were;
Why me?
What have I done to deserve all this?
How did I end up in this mess?
Growing up in a remote location with few friends & family.
Having very little education or experience on how to interact with other people – let alone having dating relationships with anyone.
Having a lack of understanding over what emotions & feelings were – let alone how to deal with them.
Losing friends in school.
A family suicide.
Failed relationship after failed relationship.
Numerous mental and emotional challenges.
The answer to these questions that came up revolved around the inevitable conclusion that I simply wasn’t good enough.
That was followed by another question;
What the hell do I do now?
Still on my living room floor, still feeling broken, lethargic and unable to do anything, I put on some music which was my way of getting through life. One of the songs that came on was a song called “better off”. The lyrics hit me like a train.
I felt like he was singing about me and my kids in the future ….. if I didn’t sort out the mess that my life was in!
I knew I had to find a way, as my kids needed their dad. Not just the man who played his part in creating them but the man who was there for them, had their backs and would inspire them ….. a dad they could be proud of. Although I didn’t know what to do or how to do it at the time, I knew I had to, there was no other option.
The first step I took was to get a coach and work on improving my personal life.
I’d worked with business coaches, in the past, which I found to be really useful but when I looked at my finances and they said “no way”, I looked at my kids and said “no brainer!” Despite all my fears & uncertainty, I couldn’t afford not to do this.
Working with my coach, reading a great many books and attending lots of seminars, step by step, I learned to understand who I was, I learned to understand the parts of me that I’d been hiding away inside, for fear that I would be judged, criticised and unloved. I realised that these parts of me were the parts that would be attractive to the kind of woman I would like a relationship with and I learned to embrace them and let them show.
I found that the girls and women I’d had relationships with were not aligned with me or my heart, they just aligned with my head and my fears. When my mind, body and soul began to align with each other, I became attracted to a very different kind of woman to those I’d found attractive in the past. What was more interesting was the fact that these women would often be attracted to me, as well, and that hadn’t been the case in the past.
My journey led me to discover that, for most of my life I hadn’t been present. I’d just been existing, rather than living and I’d been doing so with a closed heart. This way of living resulted in a protective barrier that I’d built around me to protect me from hurt & rejection. Ironically, that barrier, that I subconsciously thought was protecting me, was also preventing the love I was looking for from coming into my life.
Alan Watts
It seemed to me that my core energies were also reversed. These energies work a little like magnets with a north & south pole and, as with magnets, opposites attract. Because mine were reversed, I only ever attracted women who were the opposite of those I truly desired. Of course, more magic happened once I learned to switch these energies back around and get them properly aligned with who I am.
We speak different languages, when it comes to love
I mean, if I speak English whilst my partner speaks & hears in Chinese, it doesn’t matter how much we say to one another, the message we think we convey, isn’t the message received. Love languages work in the same way.
One of the biggest realisations I had through this journey, was that the relationship I had with myself set the foundation for every other relationship in my life!
What a revelation!
Once that penny dropped, I realised that wherever I went & whoever I was with, be that an intimate partner, friends, family or work colleagues, I always take me, myself & I with me!
I’m always the common thread in my relationships ….. and you’re always the common thread in yours.
Since the time I was feeling completely broken and made that incredibly hard decision that I couldn’t afford not to work with a coach ….. because my children needed me to ‘step up’ ….. not to mention the fact that I needed me to ‘step up’ ….. I now have well over 10 years of research, education, learning, personal development and working with my coaches under my belt. That’s resulted in a huge amount of personal growth, all of which goes into every client I work with, enabling me to help them get transformations in weeks or months, instead of their heartbreak and frustration continuing on for years ….. or forever ….. which is precisely what will happen if they don’t choose to ‘step up’, as well!
I may well be the perfect fit to help you break free.
If you’d like to learn more about my journey, you can read my book “Running Wild & Running Free”.
