Where relationship issues really are :- the bitter pill to swallow.
For many years with my own dating journey I had many issues, most of which could be simplified into the following 4 categories.
1) I wasn’t good enough for them,
2) they were too needy or smothering
3) They were not into me as anything more than friends.
4) I wasn’t into them as anything more than friends.
I spent many years of my dating journey blaming many women saying that they just weren’t into me, they couldn’t see the real me, they did this to me they did that to me blah blah blah I’m sure you get the hint. – That was before that bitter pill.
The rest of the time I blamed myself for not being rich enough, not having a good enough car, not being good looking enough, not having enough muscles, being too nice when the girls went for bad boys. Then came that realisation – that bitter pill.
After going through marriage breakdown and divorce, one day working with my business coach on the direction of my business at the time and how to save it from the after effects of such. I was in full flow ranting about all the stuff that I had received in the process of that breakdown and my previous dating history, after listening to that stuff I was spewing out, he looked at me and said “with all that I have just one suggestion.” Thinking he may be able to fill me in on where I may be able to find that rather elusive one or soul mate that I kept hearing about over the years I said “sure, hit me with it”
He just asked this one question “What is the common link between all the women you’ve dated apart from being women?”
I sat there and reflected on his question, unable to see the blatant answer right before my eyes, he sat there in silence until I got the answer.
After a few minutes that felt like a lifetime, I looked up rather sheepishly, barely able to mutter the one word answer “me?”
That was a decade ago now. After that conversation I had no choice but to look at myself, instead of looking at myself with the question of what’s wrong with me as I had done many times previously and got some pretty horrid answers. That conversation set me off on a journey to understand myself, to really understand women (as best as its possible for a man) and to understand dating relationships and what the heck love was anyway.
The results of that journey I now use within my coaching, looking at dating and relationships with my engineering head on, I managed to notice not only the patterns in myself that needed some refinement but also the patterns of others. I appreciate you may not want to admit that the person in the mirror is the issue, and that’s great, let me ask you these 2 questions –
1) What would be easier for you to change yourself or everyone else?
2) How do you feel when someone tries to change you?
What I didn’t know when this realisation hit me, I had to work out where exactly I was at, what did I really need to change, what did I need to keep, who am I really and where the heck do I start? If these questions are resonating for you right now. The first step is to fill out my loving life quiz, which show where you are today and has a couple of simple tips you can implement straight away, to get more in depth insights then book a complimentary discovery call here.