I don’t know about you, but right now it seems like there’s a conversation about narcissists going on everywhere I go. In recent years, our world has become increasingly more narcissistic, spurred on by a generation obsessed with their image and self-promotion on social media. That said, narcissism is not exclusive to social media with narcissistic relationships becoming a reality for many people. Attempting to have a good relationship with a narcissist is not easy, but it’s not always obvious they are a narcissist when you start a relationship with them.
We’ve put this blog post together to help you understand what a narcissist is and, more importantly, how you can spot them,
What is a Narcissist?
First off, let’s be clear about what a narcissist is. The Mayo Clinic’s definition is, “Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need, and seek, too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.” Narcissists also have a tendency to lie but whereas a liar will admit to the lie once disproved, a narcissist will continue the lie and twist and turn things to make themselves out to look like a victim.
So why do they do this? Well despite their exorbitant display of self-confidence, their self-worth is actually very low and they don’t take criticism very well. It’s also the reason that they don’t seek help for their disorder. The result is that their narcissism will cause long-term problems not only in their relationships but in other areas of their lives as well.
15 Traits of a Narcissist
If you have suspicions that your partner is a narcissist or you want to know what warning signs to look for when dating someone new, we’ve put together a list of the top traits of a narcissist to help you.
- Never takes responsibility for their actions
- Needs to put others down to feel good about themselves
- Has childish outbursts
- Discredits others to gain attention or sympathy
- An excessive charmer and manipulator
- Confrontational when questioned
- Glorifies or lies about previous achievements
- Constantly seeking the limelight
- Lies and cheats to get what they want
- Seems very generous
- Fakes illness to get sympathy
- Extreme lack of compassion and empathy towards others
- Verbally abusive with foul language in front of partner & children
- Has dark moods that make others uncomfortable
- Insults others to lower their self-worth
Unfortunately, some narcissists early on in the relationship can mask their behaviour but there are some other red flags that you can look for.
8 Signs You May Be Dating a Narcissist
- A fast moving (whirlwind) relationship
- Declaring that you’re their soulmate
- Love bombing, showering you with gifts, attention and love
- Overly-obsessed with their image
- Badmouthing their ex and blaming the ex for failure of a previous relationship
- Doesn’t seem to have close relationships or friendships with anyone
- Your instincts, or intuition, tell you something isn’t quite right
- Always the victim or the hero in the stories they tell
Like with many things, just because a person is displaying these traits or red flags it doesn’t necessarily mean that they have Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). These red flags can however be an early warning system for an unhealthy relationship. Being in a relationship with a narcissist can have a serious impact on your own mental health and wellbeing. It can affect your self-esteem and self-worth leaving you questioning your sanity.
We know that it can be hard to resist the charm and confidence of a new love interest with narcissistic personality disorder, but unfortunately, you take the risk that those traits that may have been part of the attraction when you started dating may eventually start to grate on you. And once that novelty does wear off you’ll start to see them for what they really are.