The Influence of the “Manoshpere” on Young Men

Relationship Revolutions with guest Jeremy Roadruck

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (00:03.342)
G’day and welcome to the latest episode of Relationship Revolutions where today it’s just me and I want to share a few things from something that happened over the weekend. I sat down with my partner and watched that new Louis Theroux Into the Manasphere documentary.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (00:28.61)
And the first thing I want to say that it is good that it is highlighting some of the challenges that young guys are facing.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (00:42.626)
but in a way that’s as far as it goes.

And that in, whilst that intention is great, I’m not sure they went about it the right way. Because first off, it talks a lot about masculinity and all that and things like that, but it doesn’t really talk about masculine, what masculine energy really is. And.

Neither does it talk about feminine energy and there’s nothing in there about every single one of us human beings having masculine and feminine energy within us. It’s like the north and south pole of a magnet. No matter how big or small that magnet is, it is always going to have.

both poles, north and south, whether it’s a little 2mm ball or one of those massive electromagnets they use in the scrapyard to pick cars up and…

they will still have North and South Poles.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (02:00.011)
And masculinity and femininity is the same thing. We have both within us, and we always will have.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (02:10.466)
The challenge is when it’s only talking about the masculine energy or the perceived masculine energy, shall we say, on the one extreme.

and doesn’t talk about the feminine, there’s no balance, there’s no blend.

And the first thing that comes up for me when I think of these guys or someone that’s putting themselves out as being just masculine, there’s a resistance or a disconnection from their own internal feminine. And that shows up in relationships because if he’s resisting his own inner feminine,

he’s going to resist the feminine energy of his partner.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (03:06.764)
He’s not going to know how to deal with or process her emotions because he doesn’t know his own.

So he will want her to sit down, shut up, only speak when she’s spoken to.

and all that kind of stuff which is very very controlling. That’s not what masculine energy is about. That’s not what healthy masculine men are about.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (03:37.9)
There is also a misconception that guys who put themselves out as an alpha male are masculine. Yes, there is some masculine within that, but a healthy masculine male and an alpha male are not the same thing. The alpha male wants to control everything.

especially in his relationships.

Whereas the healthy masculine male wants to lead, guide and support. What that means is if he’s leading his lady on a journey through life, the intention behind it is to make their world as a team a better place. A better place for him and a better place for her.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (04:40.852)
and to improve her experience of life.

and a lot of that actually has nothing to do with the financial income and it has nothing to do with how much time the guy spends in the gym which are two of the biggest things that are portrayed in this documentary of what a masculine man is or what a real man is whatever terms they want to use because anything else is seen as a

as a sign of weakness.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (05:23.832)
being vulnerable in that perspective is a sign of weakness. Whereas I’ve mentioned on various episodes on this podcast and the conversations I’ve had with every single expert in this area in relationships and energy.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (05:43.522)
Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness, because there is no vulnerability inside the comfort zone.

and it takes courage to get outside of that comfort zone.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (06:08.088)
So the next thing that comes up with this documentary, one of the things that they touched on but didn’t necessarily come up with any solutions or anything, and that is why is it that young lads…

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (06:29.834)
feel the need to either seek out follow or learn from these kind of guys. Well the first thing is and they did touch upon this is that they have no healthy male role models.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (06:54.198)
A lot more kids are growing up without a father present in home these days. That is going to have a massive impact.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (07:10.37)
And also when you look at the influences that these young lives have when they’re growing up, whether it be from Daddy Pig to Homer Simpson to Peter Griffin on the Family Guy or…

any of the so-called dads on sitcoms and movies and everything else, most of the guys are portrayed as being predominantly useless and they’re woman needing to sort everything out for them.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (07:53.452)
top of that.

when they grow up hearing things on the internet where their natural instincts are labeled as toxic.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (08:14.242)
They don’t want to feel like that. So what are their options? One, they can gravitate towards the guys in the red pill zone that these Louis 3 was talking to on this documentary that are saying, hey, all these things are okay.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (08:42.211)
Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (08:45.794)
they try to be the nice guy so that they’re not doing anything that could be labelled as toxic.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (08:58.638)
And that doesn’t work either.

especially in their relationships because women can naturally sense energetically that these guys are holding something back, they’re hiding something, and they don’t feel safe. They don’t know why they can’t put the finger on it.

they just know they don’t feel safe. So these guys get pushed away or friend-zoned for that reason.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (09:37.262)
So what are the masculine and feminine energies? Masculine is organizational skills and traits, leading, guiding, serving in that respect, but also the protecting and providing, which are the two that most people focus on with masculine energy. But it’s only a small portion of that. And that goes back to the days of the cavemen.

It’s about where it was about survival. And the women needed to pick a strong man who was able to produce healthy children and protect them and provide the food and everything else. We don’t live in those times now, but unconsciously that energetic programming is still there and it always will be. Sometimes you have to work with it.

and the feminine is about nurturing, caring.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (10:39.052)
and all that beautiful stuff, the soft skills, if you like. So you could say the logical aspect of energy is masculine and the nurturing and caring aspect is feminine. The emotional is feminine.

We have both of these within us just as we have two hemispheres within the brain. One side is masculine, one side is feminine.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (11:10.06)
that’s great we designed that way

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (11:22.968)
So what does a healthy male, masculine male, look like? How does he come across?

Well the first thing a lady will notice is that she feels safe in his presence. She doesn’t have to walk around on eggshells so to speak, so that she doesn’t upset him emotionally. He has this thing called emotional mastery.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (11:54.358)
And also, he’s not thrown off his guard or his feet metaphorically by her emotions, by her emotional storms.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (12:13.858)
You could almost say that the masculine energy is the riverbank.

and the feminine is the water that flows down the river.

And sometimes there’s excess rain, that river’s gonna flood. Just like an emotional flood.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (12:38.924)
That riverbank does not blame the river for having too much water. It just does what it does and lets the excess water flow.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (12:53.996)
It hasn’t tried to control it.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (12:59.328)
It doesn’t complain about it. It just stays grounded like it’s supposed to do. That is that masculine energy.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (13:13.218)
feminine energy is the flow, the emotions, the… some may say chaos. And it can feel that way sometimes.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (13:29.902)
But that is that need for that masculine energy to bring balance.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (13:37.824)
So do women have masculine energy with them? Absolutely.

What is it? What are they needed for? Firstly, protection and provision. It’s their fight or flight mechanism. They’re part of the brain that says, I am going to keep you safe, whatever happens. When she’s in that relationship with a masculine man, when she feels safe in his presence, she can let go of that.

and show up however she is with her feelings and emotions and everything else.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (14:27.246)
one of her bailor expression that masculine man holds the emotional puke bucket for her so that she can vent out all of those emotions and moves forward from that point

She doesn’t need to be fixed. She just needs to be heard.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (14:52.832)
And from what I saw on those documentaries, those guys didn’t really give their women a chance to vent or anything. They were making decisions for her and coming across in a very, very controlling way. That may have been not the case. That may be just my perception. But interestingly, not long after those interviews, at least one of their relationships.

Ended.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (15:28.664)
could be because she didn’t feel hurt, could be for many other reasons that are not included on that show.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (17:02.158)
Some of the key differences between the alpha male and the masculine man. The alpha male leads through control. He needs to win. He competes for success. He relies on external validation. Oh yeah, can be charismatic, but he’s also can be very, very reactive. And a lot of the time he equates control

with strength.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (17:35.778)
The masculine man. He wants to be admired and appreciated.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (17:47.234)
The masculine man leads through steadiness. He doesn’t need to win in every room. He competes with himself, who he was yesterday, and the best version of himself that he can be. He is grounded in purpose. He is emotionally contained. And he can handle a strong woman without feeling threatened. He wants to build something meaningful.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (18:23.308)
Something interesting here. Many women say that they want a masculine man.

What they’re attracted to sometimes is that alpha energy. Because the alpha can be stimulating, it’ll spike a nervous system and feel powerful. But stimulation isn’t stability.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (18:50.616)
grounded masculine men will not spike your anxiety. He regulates the room that he’s in.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (19:05.964)
The challenge is, if her body is wide for intensity, that regulation can feel flat and boring.

That’s not about men, it’s not about women, it’s just about the wiring that we have.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (19:25.76)
Strong women don’t need control, they need steadiness. And steadiness doesn’t shout.

I’m sure you’ve heard that saying that the lion doesn’t need to go around telling everyone he’s king of the jungle. They just know because of his presence. And the masculine man is very much the same.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (19:56.022)
It’s about how he shows up, who he is and where he’s going.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (20:05.174)
He doesn’t need a Lamborghini or an Aston Martin or anything like that to show what kind of man he is. He doesn’t need to.

shares pictures on social media of all the women that he’s had and a yacht and all those kind of things.

That’s not important to her.

Some of them.

may have those cars and yachts. That’s fantastic, but they’re not shouting about it.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (20:48.056)
They’re not using it as a way of proving something. They don’t need to prove anything to anyone but themselves.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (21:10.978)
Will healthy masculine male want a one-sided monogamous relationship where his partner has got to be monogamous and loyal to him, yet he can go around and sleep with whoever he wants whenever he wants?

Probably not.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (21:47.81)
And if they did, it would be something that’s negotiated upfront with his partner or his wife, whatever the situation may be.

and it would be so that she could get something from it as well. If you like, if she happened to be bisexual and being in that monogamous relationship was shutting off that side of her, having the occasional threesome may respect that part of her and honor that part of her, not shut it down. But as I say, everything would be

discussed upfront and everything would be open.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (23:03.576)
I mentioned earlier about masculine and feminine energy being like the north and south pole of the magnet. And another way they are similar is opposites attract. The masculine attracts the feminine and the feminine attracts the masculine.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (23:27.672)
But interestingly, as human beings, we like people who are like ourselves.

And that can mess with your head a little bit sometimes.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (23:43.874)
Where that fits in the relationships is that we like people with similar values to us, sometimes similar interests and things we like to do.

but it’s that opposing energy, the masculine, the feminine, and the polarization between the two that brings the passion and attraction into that relationship.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (24:16.768)
resistance to either one of those energies does not work. It’s unhealthy for one of a better expression.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (24:29.676)
because when that resistance goes up, whether it’s resistance to the masculine or resistance to the feminine, the energy flow goes down. The flow of love goes down. As that resistance goes down, that energetic flow and the love goes up.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (24:55.864)
So back to these young lads that follow the likes of these Manosphere content providers or whatever they call themselves.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (25:14.562)
They are lacking one thing above anything else in their lives and that is purpose. They grow up to be men that don’t know where they fit in life. They have no place or purpose really. They’re confused and they’re lost.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (25:41.432)
that does not make for a good healthy man.

A good example of this is the movie Fight Club, where the lead role is very much like that. And then he meets up with this Brad Pitt character, who is like these content providers, shall we say, in the Manosphere, the Red Pill Guys.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (26:17.09)
and that movie does not end well.

Initially it feels exciting because there’s something, a direction he can go down. Even though there’s part of him that may feel it doesn’t fit or is unhealthy.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (26:40.778)
In the end, he realizes how empty that whole path still is. And Jordan Peterson warned about this taking masculinity away from men over a decade ago.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (27:04.62)
He said it will make these men dangerous. And over time it will. Even more so than now. They’re not just dangerous because they could fall victim to following these Manosphere guys.

dangerous because they don’t know who they are.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (27:30.86)
I think it was Confucius or someone like that said many years ago, it’s better to be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war.

And Jordan Peterson says something slightly different where he says a man should be capable of very dangerous things but have it under voluntary control.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (28:02.976)
I don’t know that these guys in the Manasphere actually fit that. And we talked about it in the Red Pill Guys and how it comes from an emotional wound with Jeremy Roderuck on one of the previous podcasts and I shall drop a link to that episode down below.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (28:37.08)
So, do I think it’s a good idea for young lads to be following these guys into the Manosphere? In a word, Especially if they’re…

being told they can make all this money and they’ve got to be physically fit and wealthy to attract a good woman. That personally I think is nonsense.

Yes, the Fresh and Fit podcast and all those things, the girls, get on there.

just happen to be all have OnlyFans accounts and just happen to all nearly always all want to go at six foot tall with a six pack and a six figure income and all that kind of stuff which is very small population of the states and Europe really

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (29:39.064)
those girls do not speak for most women that are out there in the world.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (29:49.494)
Yeah, the money would be beneficial.

summer six-pack may be beneficial but they are preferences not essential things.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (30:07.25)
and of all the women that I’ve worked with over the years. None of them have come to me and said, can you tell me how to attract a guy that’s six foot tall with a six figure income and the six pack? None.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (30:27.022)
they’re more likely to come to me and say, how can I attract a man who’s healthy mentally and physically and emotionally that isn’t a dick?

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (30:45.546)
Now that is lot easier to work with.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (31:03.734)
So yeah, just a few thoughts on the Manosphere. And it’s certainly nowhere I want to be. And I wouldn’t want my kids going that direction either, whether it’s my son following these guys or my daughter wanting to date somebody like that.

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (31:39.383)
and

Alan Watts – The Love Engineer (31:43.96)
If you’re a lady who would like to meet a good man that isn’t affected by this red pill stuff or doesn’t subscribe to it, shall we say?

Let’s have a conversation. And for the guys who are feeling a bit lost, feeling like they’ve not got that purpose, reach out to me too.

There are much better mentors in the world than the world of the Manosphere.